5 Signs The No-Contact Rule Is Working

Breakups can be challenging, prompting us to seek strategies to heal and potentially reconcile with our ex-partner. One such strategy is implementing the no-contact rule, which involves refraining from contacting your ex. While this rule is known to aid in healing and self-reflection, you may wonder how to gauge its effectiveness when you're not in direct contact with your ex.

In this blog post, we have compiled a list of surefire signs that indicate the no-contact rule is working and progressing you towards personal growth and emotional recovery.

What is the no-contact rule?

As the phrase implies, the “no-contact” rule entails cutting off all communications with your ex following a breakup. This includes not engaging in phone calls, texting, direct messages and “likes” on social media, and in-person meetups. Some even argue that looking at their social media posts is considered off-limits.

“In addition to no direct contact with your previous partner, it also means not following up with mutual friends to gather any form of information about their lives,” adds Leanna Stockard, LMFT at LifeStance Health.

Benefits of the no-contact rule

1. You Win Your Power Back

When a guy dumps you, you lose your power in the relationship. After all, he made the decision to end things. You had no say in the matter.

If you keep in contact, you might be obsessing over him and your relationship, which also takes power away from you. But if he starts sniffing around, wanting you back, now’s your chance to get that control of the situation.

Following the no-contact rule allows you to busy your mind with other things so that you’re not focused on him and what he’s doing. You’re not wondering if he wants you back.

2. No-Contact Gives You Time to Grieve

When a relationship ends, the heartache can be so traumatic that it mirrors the grief you might experience following the death of a loved one. After all, you have suffered the loss of someone whom you loved dearly, even though technically your ex is still alive.

Grieving is a lengthy process that cannot be sped up. You wouldn't anticipate healing in a matter of days if you had sustained a catastrophic injury in a car accident. You might also be expected to go through a period of rehabilitation, and there might be emotional trauma to deal with, in addition to receiving emergency medical care. It also applies to mend a broken heart. Healing from some physical wounds may take longer than healing from emotional traumas. You must give yourself time to rest and recover because you won't feel better over night.

3. No-Contact Prevents You From Demeaning Yourself

Rejection and desperation can make you do silly things like calling, texting, and begging your ex to take you back. You might begin obsessively checking your messages to see if he or she has been in touch. If they haven’t, it makes you feel a million times worse. You may lash out at your ex—aggressively or passive-aggressively—or you may try to hurt yourself by neglecting your health or indulging in misery.

When you are in such an irrational frame of mind, you are more likely to act in ways that you normally wouldn't, like overindulging in food or alcohol to drown your sorrows, driving past your ex's house or workplace repeatedly, stalking them, or worse.

In the long-term, maintaining a dignified silence will save you from a considerable amount of embarrassment.

4. Helps you to let out all your emotions

A breakup might make you feel angry, sad, depressed and give you anxiety. You may go through a lot of negative emotions. The benefit of the no-contact rule is that now you’ve cut off all contact with your ex, you do not have to go through the same things again. Let out all your emotions at once. It is okay to lock yourself in a room and cry. Remember to feel your negative emotions fully at once and bid them goodbye forever.

5. You’ll Get the Better Understanding of the Breakup Reasons

Not contacting your partner will give you time to clearly think about your relationship and the things that went wrong. Don’t waste your time blaming yourself or your partner, though. This rule doesn’t mean that. Be honest with yourself and take your share of the responsibility for a breakup. Think of the things that were good in your relationship and helped you grow as a person.

This will benefit your future relationships, or make the relationship with your ex succeed if you get back together again.

6. You can Finally Reconnect with Your Friends and Family

You likely overlooked some of your friends and family members throughout the good moments of your relationship. You didn't have much time to spend with your old friends or see your adored aunt because you were busy as a pair. You likely had occasional guilt over cutting off your previous contacts. However, you believed that behavior to be typical of someone in an emotionally charged relationship.

Now that the no-contact rule is in effect following a breakup, you have the chance to reconnect with your former friends and family. You get to completely appreciate your restored relationships, regardless of whether you reconnect with your former classmates, college pals, or neighborhood friends.

5 signs the no-contact rule is working

1. Your ex reaches out

Once you determine that you want to utilize the no-contact rule, you may notice that there are stages of no-contact. At first, you may feel like you really need to talk to your ex, and then after a while, you might decide that you have other things you’d rather do.

On the other hand, the psychology of no contact with a male dumper may cause them to want to reach out to you. They may be wondering how you are and want to see whether or not the breakup affected you as they expected it to.

When they are unable to talk to you or you aren’t responding to messages, this could make your ex rather desperate to talk to you. They might resort to whatever method of communication is possible to see how you are doing and determine whether you miss them or not.

2. Your ex is asking about you

You've heard from other people that your ex is inquiring about you, which is one of the other key indications that the no-contact rule is working. This can be a tactic used by female dumpers to inquire about their former partners' well-being after they have dumped them.

They might worry if you still care and if the split affected you if you remain silent, don't respond to their texts, or don't post on social media.

They may have had to turn to talking to others about you or asking shared friends how you are doing since they won't be able to receive the information they need from you.

3. You are thinking about dating

Something that may surprise you when it comes to signs the no-contact rule is working is that you feel like you are ready to date again. You may have started talking to someone online or have gone out on dates with other people.

If you aren’t ready to do this yet, you might have at least considered that you want to have another relationship one day. This is the first step and there’s no reason to pressure yourself to rush the process of working through your feelings.

4. Your ex keeps showing up

Have you ever been somewhere you go to frequently and your ex showed up?

This may have been by design. This method may give you a glimpse into the psychology of no-contact on a dumper, since they may go out of their way to see you when it is clear that you are trying not to have any contact with them.

Chances are that you go to your local bar or café regularly and they know that, so they have been trying to catch you there, in order to talk to you.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the no-contact rule can be a powerful tool for healing and personal growth after a breakup. By creating distance and refraining from contacting your ex, you provide yourself with the opportunity to process your emotions, gain clarity, and focus on your well-being. In this blog post, we have explored what the no-contact rule entails, its benefits, and five signs that indicate its effectiveness.

The no-contact rule empowers you to take control of your happiness and growth. By honoring the process, you are giving yourself the chance to heal and move forward with renewed strength and clarity.